Only as happy as your saddest child.

Parenting doesn't end. All of my kids now have more education than I do. They are successful and either in that position they were looking for or they are getting close. In two years they will have 4 graduate degrees between them (compared to 0 for their parents)

I should be happy, fulfilled, reveling in their success.

But no one is happy. Mitch's finger accident, Meghan's miscarriage and treatment for partial molar pregnancy, and Nic's loneliness have left them struggling. When one of them is struggling I seem able to focus on them, pray, and speak word that are helpful. When three of them are down, I get depressed and wonder if there is something I did wrong in preparing them with strength for these periods. 

Emotional strength is something that should be taught, in both a sacred and secular setting. We are blessed as a body of believers to live in an easy time to express faith. We are also blessed to life in the United States of America. But we are an emotional mess when things don't seem perfect.

I wonder what my words should be for those "valley days." Is that my job as dad in these years? Do I have a job? 

The Giver and Taker-away of life

I was a Grampa. It looks like I was a grandpa for about 7 weeks. That's how long Meghan was viably pregnant - or maybe viable isn't the right word, but that's how long my grandbaby grew. When I was very young I was a pro-choice guy. Not because I cared about a woman's rights, but simply a means of population control. It seemed to my simple way of thinking that the population explosion was the root of most of the world's problems.

I think differently now.

Meghan's pregnancy ended as a result of a partial molar pregnancy. It is a genetic accident that happens almost immediately in the fertilization process. A defective fetus grows and is killed by the "mole" which is the placenta - growing unnaturally - much like a cancer.

Of course the word Cancer freaked me out. This is my princess we're talking about! While the untreated prognosis is serious, Meg's doctors have been on top of things and she has confidence in them. She'll be fine and at some point has a good chance of normal motherhood. Maybe starting in a year, maybe less.

Back to the implications for prospective parents and grandparents. This was not tissue, this was life! I grieve for it still daily and wonder why God would put my daughter and our family thru it. I still remember Mitch's face when he opened up her announcement gift. It was a painting that said something like "anyone can be a man, only the best get to be uncles!" He was almost breathless! We were thrilled! It was happy days, she had begun to tell friends ... And then the ultrasound that showed no heartbeat. 

So, God, (who certainly reads my blog) I respectfully don't agree with the way you've handled Meghan's plans at this point. I still believe that you know why this happened and that will have to be enough. I also am trying to believe that you love her more than I do. (That's the hard part right now) I ask that you pay close attention to her and our next generation. She needs some strength and I need some words to give her from time to time. Provide as only You can. I look forward to the way You will work and I will praise you and give you credit for the results.